Who wrote these questions? Sweet baby Jesus you are a meddling such and such ain't you?
Anyway, to answer the questions: yes and yes. I used to think my heart had been broken several times. Now I know that those times were just hurt feelings. A real broken heart causes real physical pain. It takes a very long time to recover from it. In my opinion, it's one of the closest times a person can come to experiencing death without completely crossing over. I've only felt that way one time in my life. I'm still not 100%. Sometimes I don't think I ever will be.
Not being able to breathe without hurting? Nausea? No appetite? Headaches? Depression? Anxiety? Been there and done all of that and some more. All because the person that I loved decided that they didn't love me as much as they should have. Or maybe they couldn't love me as much as I deserved. I haven't quite figured it out yet, but I'm working on it.
I try not to be jaded and evil (well at least not because of what somebody else did to me, some of that is just a character flaw) and hold old hurts against new people. Nobody likes to hang around the mean old bag lady. I don't do a lot of asking "why me" or "what could I have done different" anymore. Dwelling on things that I can't control doesn't help the healing process.
It's an odd feeling realizing that the one you want to be with is the one that has the power to hurt you the most. That's why I've tried as hard as I can to never make someone experience the hurt that I felt when my heart was broken. I figured that I was doing a pretty good job until someone told me that I wasn't. It seems that I've been leaving a trail of broken hearts behind me for decades now. I mean, don't get me wrong I knew that folks were quite taken with my greatness, but I never knew that they felt bad once I moved on. But apparently, that's part of how I hurt guys the most. It's very easy for me to walk away and not give a person a second thought. Not because I don't think that they matter, mainly because I don't think they are important anymore. That's pretty harsh, huh? Damn. *light bulb moment*
And then after the heartbreak, you end up in limbo. Hurt, damaged, and angry. Still able and wanting to love. Knowing that that love can hurt you, but going after it anyway. It's like stepping into a cage at the zoo. You know there's a possibility that you are going to be ripped to shreds, but you just have to have a closer look because there's a chance that you might not get shredded.
Heartbreak sucks big ones.
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