I really don't like that I'm socially awkward. I really don't know how to act in a room full of people. And by full, I mean more than me.
I don't know how to start a conversation with a stranger. You ever want to experience epic awkward silence come and sit next to me at a function. I'll look at you, maybe even smile (probably not), but I won't say a word. Not because I don't want to (well maybe), but because I don't know how. Like, when you walk up to somebody you don't know are you supposed to pretend like you care enough to ask them questions like "what's your name?" "what do you do?" "come here often? I have no idea where to start.
On very rare occasions (twice) I may try to tell a joke to break the ice. But unless you know me, you probably wouldn't get my humor. So that leads to more awkward silence. And eventually somebody walks away in search of real human contact.
I honestly try to avoid any situation where I will be around people that I don't know. Being in social situations makes me extremely anxious. I get so nervous sometimes that I just don't go. I don't plan parties or soiree's at my home. Sometimes I think it would be nice, but then I talk myself out of it. I just know nobody is going to show up. Or if they do come they'll be so bored or put off by the awkwardness that they leave almost immediately.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't like this. It can get terribly lonely. So yeah, that's the thing that I like least about myself. Who do I write this copay check out to?
I understand how u feel. I oftentimes feel so boring cuz i dont know what to say to people. I mean i love to host parties or be out with people, but since my husband is a social butterfly, i let him lead and just follow him. He's my buffer!
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