I just thought I’d write you a letter to show you how much you’ve grown over the last decade. You wouldn’t believe everything that’s happened since you turned 24.
You’re a mom now. Can you believe that? Close your
mouth. Yep the person that said her uterus
would never be the home to a fresh zygote actually brought a life into the
world. And he is the love of your life
and one of your very best friends.
There’s nothing you wouldn’t do for him.
You will protect him at all costs.
You sacrifice all of your selfish wants to make sure that he has all of
his needs and his wants, plus some wants of other people because he’s spoiled
rotten. Because of your impatience with
stupid children, you will make sure that he knows how to read and write before
he’s 2. Because you refuse to “wipe a
grown man’s ass” he’s potty trained around that time too. He will be an awesome
conversationalist, because sometimes he’s the only person you really want to
talk to. He shares your love of good
music, snark, cheeseburgers, and super heroes.
There will be times when you wonder if you are making the right
decisions for him. There will be times when
you are afraid that your hang ups and fears are affecting him adversely. Don’t worry.
He’ll be just fine. So far, there
are no signs that he’s an Unsub. In fact he’s one of the most amazing and
loving human beings you know. And if you
didn’t do something right, you know I wouldn’t
say that. You’ve done okay for a woman
who doesn’t even like kids.
You have been married for 11 years now. At some point during the marriage, however,
your heart will get broken, shattered even.
Because of the pain from that, there will be days when you don’t want to
go on. Days where you don’t shower, get out of bed, or brush your teeth. Depression will become a major factor in your
life. Remember all of the mantras in
the mirror that you always say? “I’m awesome, because God said so!” “Mirror
girl I don’t even have to waste our time asking. We both know who’s the fairest!” etc.
etc. In 10 years you hold those kinds of things
close, because there will be days when you don’t feel so great about
yourself. And those rules you have?
That list of things that you would never accept while in a relationship? Every single thing that you said you would never
accept, you will. I’m not telling you this to scare you or bring you down. I’m telling you this to prepare you. You need to know that everything about life
isn’t rainbows and unicorns. You are not
immune to hurt. You are also not immune
to healing. There will be some very
tough years. Extremely tough. But bit by bit, you will build yourself up
again. You won’t be the same girl that
you are right now. But that’s not a bad
thing. Because of what you’ve learned
from these dark days, you will be more independent, more understanding, and less
judgmental. Your heart will open in ways
that you never imagined they could. At
24 you are incapable of forgiving. At
34, you won't be able to imagine a reason not to be.
If I recall correctly at 24 the circumference of
your circle of trust was pretty substantial. At 34? Not so much. Some
friendships you ended because you just couldn’t deal with the pettiness and
cattiness that came with them. Others
you simply grew out of. The ones you
thought you couldn’t live without? You don’t miss. The ones that you missed found their way back
into your life somehow. I blame
Facebook.
You moved to the East Coast. A semi-traumatic move for your Mother but it
was pretty awesome for you. You have a
job that you actually enjoy, some of the people you work with are pretty damn
cool, and you can breathe. Living in
that one horse town in KY stifled you. It made you feel like you were
drowning. Now every day you see people
who look like you who have careers and lofty goals. You can go to a concert without having to
travel 2 hours away. And even though you
are 20 minutes away from one of the grimiest cities in the nation, you are not
afraid. That’s a big change for a person
who let fear dictate her life for so long.
Let’s see, what else has happened in the 10 years
since I’ve seen you?
You are seriously contemplating getting your tattoos
removed. Something you said you would
never do when you got them. You know
because each one meant something and was special? Pfft!! Girl you can’t wait to
take a laser to those things. But not
because you are anti-tattoo, you’re just anti-the tattoos that you have.
Your love of handbags is now bordering on
addiction. However, with the help of
good consignment stores you are able to get the bags that you like without
really breaking the bank all of the time.
You’ve grown 2 inches, but nobody believes you.
You went natural. And you love it.
You have shaved your head...twice.
You stopped biting your nails and developed a nasty
O.P.I. habit.
See? A LOT can happen in a decade. Certainly a lot has happened to you. But the one thing that has happened that
matters the most is that you’ve grown.
You are a much better human being at 34 than you were at 24. I’m sure you don’t like hearing that, because
at 24 you think you are the greatest thing that the Good Lord ever saw fit to
create. But it's true. Thirty-four year old you runs circles around 24 year old
you.
You are a better sister. You are a better mother. You are a better friend. You are a better person overall. Why? Because you've dealt with grief with your head held high. You've dealt with disappointment with a smile on your face. You've conquered your fears with laughter. You still find reasons to live and love. And you still find time to look fly.
Love always,
You at 34
That was awesome!!!
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