My Best Friends

I don't have a lot of friends. I never have. I've just never been the I have to have a lot of friends type.

Wanna know something else? Every friend I have made me be their friend. I tried as hard as I could to be antisocial, unfriendly, and pretty much an all around jerk to make them go away. 

Turns out, that kind of stuff is what makes real friends stay. Every single one of them saw through that tough outer shell that I have and got to know the real me. (See also, yesterday's post)

For that reason, I feel like it's disrespectful to pick out one and say that he or she is the "best." They all show me their best self and I do my best to show them the same. 

Every single one of my friends is awesome and special to me. I know I don't tell them as often as I should that I love them and admire them. But I do. 

I don't tell them enough I'm proud of them. But I am. 

I don't talk to them as much as I should. I always say that I'm going to get rid of them. Some of them I even threaten with murder. But they take all terroristic threats with love so don't be calling the people on me. 

So instead of me talking about my best friend. I've decided to tell you why my friends are the best. I made a list. Because that's what I do. 

Deal.

Reasons Why My Friends Are The Best

1. They get me. The weird sense of humor, sarcasm, wit, shadiness. They get all of it. And they entertain it. 
2. They know what I've been through and they don't judge me for it.
3. They always know the right moment to call or send a text to check on me or make me laugh.
4. They don't let me disappear.
5. They bail me out of jail.
6. They will always throw the first punch in a fight for my honor. 
7. They make me smile.
8. They have cute kids that don't act like heathens and make me want to punt them out of the room.
9. They believe in me. Even when I don't believe in myself.
10. They know I'm not as hard I try to make folks believe, but they never call me on it.
11. They send me snacks because they know my options here in the frozen tundra are slim.

So there. Ten reasons plus a bonus on why my friends are better than your friends. 

You mad?

Perception

So today I'm supposed to talk about how people see me vs. how I see myself.

This one is going to be a little difficult for me because I'm actually going to have use my brain a little. I don't know about you, but I try not to use the lobes of my brain outside of 9-11 am Monday-Wednesday. 

So here goes.

I'm about 83.847% sure that most of the world sees me like this:

He's a lunatic.

That's right. I know what you all think of me. Y'all think I'm nuts. It's fine. I know I'm not. 

What I am is honest. I'm upfront about most things. And sometimes I can get loud about it. But that's only when I'm passionate. And there are very few things that I'm passionate about. Usually, I'm chilling. Not giving very many damns about life in general.

That doesn't make me crazy though.

That makes me stress free. Well, mostly stress free. 

I am human. 

Some people may see me as very outgoing. Like I don't mind dealing with people to get things done or make things happen.

Not even.

I'm the most unoutgoing person in the world. I'm probably the shyest person you'll ever meet. I don't talk. Hell, I hardly move around if there's a crowd of people. And by crowd I mean more than 3. 

Crowds make me shutdown. I just can't handle being around people.

It's not because I'm evil. I know that's how some people see me.

Not me. I promise.

I've been told more than once that a person didn't approach me because they thought I would rip their head off and eat it praying mantis style.

Not sure where that bad rep came from. I'm not evil. I'm just not friendly. 

There's a difference.

I'm definitely not going to be the life of any party, when the party is over I'll be able to give a full run down of everybody in attendance. I believe most people appreciate my knack for spotting fuckery in a crowded room. I really believe that's why I get invited anywhere. I know it's not for my sunny disposition. 

So, to some of you I guess that really makes me:

Pick one.

There are very, very few people who know the true me. 

If they did, they would totally see me like I see myself:

Cute. Small. Wonderful.

If you got to know me you would know that I'm one of the kindest, gentlest souls ever. I love to have fun (within reason). My laugh is epic. Awkward dancing and people watching are my faves.

It's really sad that most of you will never get to see that side of me. 

Sucks to be you.

It's So Hard to Say Goodbye - R.I.P. Derek Fulson

The world lost someone that I consider a friend today. 

In his 33 years he touched a LOT of lives. You would have never met a more genuine, all around delightful person. If you needed prayer he prayed for you. If you fell he found a way to lift you up.

Because he was just a nice guy.

I don't know what kind of hard times he lived through, because he showed nothing but positivity. I don't know what kind of pain he endured, because it was rare that he wasn't smiling.

I'll never forget that smile. It could warm the coldest hearts. And trust me when I tell you it did. He was the only stranger at the University of Kentucky that made me talk. And he did it with that smile. 

That smile and words of encouragement got me through some rough days during undergrad.

And a few years ago, when I was experiencing some of my darkest days he sent me smiles through text messages and inboxes.

Because that's the kind of guy he is. He was about happiness, love, and friendship. 

I just know he made a difference in my life. And I didn't even realize how big it was until I found out he was gone. 

I usually say that I live my life without regret. But I do have one now.

I never got to say thank you to my friend.

So now I say, thank you Derek Fulson. 

Thank you for being a friend to me when I needed one. Thank you for laughing with me. Thank you for laughing at me. Thank you for people watching with me in the Student Center. Thank you for keeping me from getting arrested that one time in front of Memorial Hall. Thank you for your encouragement. Thank you for listening when I tried to encourage you. Thank you for praying for me. Thank you for your smile. Thank you for your art. Thank you for baking me a cake full of sunshine when everything in my life was cloudy. Thank you for your drive. Thank you for being you.

I will never, ever forget you. 

I know right now you and St. Peter are probably laughing at my cry face, but I'm not even gonna side-eye you for it. Rest easy bruh. 

- Cheeks

Promises + Lessons + Decisions = New Beginnings

Today is the last day of 2012.

The 364 days before this one have been full of all kinds of lessons for me. As I sit here writing, I know that I am light years away from where I was on January 1. I've laughed, loved, and lived a lot harder than I have in years. I feel like I look different. Like I walk taller. Like I'm 20 pounds lighter. Even my thoughts are not the same as they used to be. This year, I decided follow my homegirl Erykah Badu's advice and stop being a bag lady. 

Life is far too short to sweat the small things. And it's really way too short to spend a lot of extra time on the big things. Everything is not as important as I want it to be. Learning how to prioritize my issues has been valuable. Now I don't go off the deep end for every little thing.

It's so easy to act a certain way when you feel like you are the only person that is feeling those feelings. But I've learned that thinking that way is wrong. One of my favorite bible verses is, "What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun." (Ecclesiastes 1:9 NIV) These words have made a huge impact on the way that I live my life now. The way that I interpret them gives me comfort. There are people who have survived the same things that I have. There are people who have survived worse.

These days I find it quite selfish of me to want to whine about my horrible coworkers or my relationship problems when there are people who are literally fighting for their lives. I think I am doing a disservice to humanity to be pissed off for days because I didn't like the way somebody talked to me or because of the way I perceived a person to treat me. It's shameful to want to stay angry and be hateful, just because. 

I've decided that my happiness will not be tied to other people. My goals should not be set based on what other people are doing. I dictate the amount of joy that enters my life. 

There are so many things that I am supposed to do before I leave this Earth. I will never get them done if I keep dragging all the baggage with me. That mess is an anchor. It keeps you grounded when you are supposed to fly. 

2012 was the year for me to find my wings. In 2013, I'm going to soar.

What About Your Friends?

Although people having piss poor judgement of character has been around for eons, I'd like to blame Facebook for the problems that most of us face with this issue today. I think people really begin to think that the people on their friend's lists are really and truly their friends.

This troubles me. I currently have 346 people on my friends list. While I know all of them, only 5 or 6 (maybe 7) are people who I call friend. I know that most people on Facebook are voyeurs. They really just want to see what you are talking about so that they can go back and talk about it with others. Now, this isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes you want to get the people going.

What bothers me is that these days people use the word "friend" too loosely.

A friend is NOT a person that uses your words against you. A friend is NOT someone who uses information that you unwittingly provided to aid in evil deeds or participate in the ruining of the lives of others. A friend doesn't "like" you and then talk about you behind your back. No ma'am. My friends at least have the decency to clown me to my face. This is why I love them.

While there are many things that I look for in a friend, in my opinion, the most important trait that a friend should have is that they know who they are. Just think about it. We all know of a person that hasn't quite found themselves yet. We see how they jump from social circle to social circle playing a role for each group. But we never can really tell which role that they play is the real them.

And this is about more than just a person networking. I totally understand that you have to wear certain masks when doing that. You don't want any potential employers or investors knowing that you are really a assclown or that you have a drinking and/or meth problem. Leave that for the people who love you and a special episode of Intervention.

A person who doesn't really know who they are is dangerous.  People like this are prone to jealousy.  And there's one thing that I know, a person should never feel that emotion towards a real friend. Why? Because whatever that person is doing should be reason for you to cheer or for you to get your shit together. But being envious of them should never enter your mind. A jealous friend does things like keep tabs on what you do at the club and then report back to your boo. A jealous friend promises to give you a ride to that interview for your dream job, but shows up too late for you to make it.  A jealous friend watches every move you make and tells all of their other friends. There are never any secrets with a jealous friend.

Cuh-ray-zee!

People who haven't found themselves emulate you for all of the wrong reasons. Does anyone around here remember Single White Female? Nobody wants a person around that wants to be them! Well, at least I don't. One of me is more than enough. If I ever wake up and somebody is hovering over me watching me breathe or if I see one of my friends dressing like me, using my mannerisms, or something else that is totally weird and stalkerish we are going to have a long conversation. And by conversation I mean some elbow drops will probably occur. The conversation is going to end with a permanent sayonara. I don't have time to be filing EPOs and perfecting my Krav Maga skills just because you are a loon.

Anyway, I'm just saying all of this so that you can start paying attention to the people that you have around you. Everyone that says that they are your friend isn't. And you shouldn't be so quick to allow people into your life because they are friendly. I'm a firm believer in giving folks a grace period to figure out whether or not you want to be around them on a long term basis or not. Ask any of my friends, it probably took me 2-3 weeks before I said one word that had any real meaning to them. Why? Because I don't trust people (we've been over this before) and I was watching how they move.

Is my system foolproof? Nope. There have been a few that got past me. But trust and believe when I found them out, the situation was rectified.

What I don't have time for these days is pettiness, gossiping, or hating. My world is only open to grown folks who's schedules are too full for foolishness. Love, honesty, and support are what me and my friends are about. We don't tear folks down, we don't live to watch folks go down in flames, and we don't sell pipe dreams. All real life, all the time.

My group of friends is a reflection of who I am. My mother always said, "You are the company you keep." It took me many years to figure how true that is. But the circle I have around me now includes everyone that is supposed to be there. It's kind of amazing.

What about your friends? Does your crew show the world the kind of person that you are? Or do they bring you down?