Selma

I took The Kid to go see Selma today. I was extremely apprehensive about viewing it. Not because I thought he was too young or because I thought it would be too graphic. I think children, especially black children should learn about the history of our country and the struggle of our people as early as possible. 

Anyway, I was apprehensive because of Oprah. Me and Oprah ain't friends. I won't get into a long, drawn out story about why we fell out, just know that all of my reasons are valid. 

So we go to the theater. First perk is that The Kid got in free. I thought that was pretty awesome. I asked the young lady at the counter how long this awesomeness would last. Our conversation went like this:

Me: Free? Say what? How long will this be going on?
Girl at Counter: Oh, until January 16th.
The Kid: But...
Me: *side-eye* *whisper in harsh tones* Shut. Your. Mouth.
Me: Well, that's great. How much will my total be?
Girl at Counter: $6.95
Me: Many thanks. Have a blessed and wonderful day.
*we walk away quickly*
The Kid: Mama, I really don't feel right about this. The 16th was a week ago.
Me: Look Kid, if that heffa decided she wanted to go back in time to provide us a service who are we to stop her shine? You want popcorn don't you? An Icee? Well that ticket money can get you some gobstoppers or something.
The Kid: Oh? Okay. Never mind then.

Nothing like the promise of snacks to shatter a young child's moral code.

I'm going stop right here and tell you that if you haven't seen this movie there will be tears.

And not regular tears either. Honey, there will be some ugly crying. Super ugly. So, if you are trying to go on a first date to see it please reconsider and go with your girlfriends. They understand your ugly and new guy might not be so forgiving. 

I don't want to talk about the exact things that happened in the movie because I really want everyone to go see it and experience it themselves. It really is a must see despite Oprah.

What I will talk about are the emotions that I felt while viewing it. 

I felt outrage at the sheer ignorance and stupidity of some of the white people involved.

I felt confusion at the fact that people were so peaceful. I wanted to yell and scream and tell someone to mollywhop the entire fuck outta somebody. 

I felt regret that I haven't done more to further the goals and dreams of Martin Luther King, Jr.

I felt happiness that my child was interested in seeing this movie and could actually identify some of the major characters of the Civil Rights Movement.

But mostly and most intensely, I felt sadness.

Why?

Because I could see and feel how much things have not changed. 

Blacks have the right to vote, but we don't use that right like we are supposed to. If we did we'd have far less of George Wallace's interns in office.

Police officers still use their badges as an excuse to exert unyielding authority on the unarmed and not so dangerous. 

The government still would rather spend our tax dollars on wars and unrest overseas before dealing with the major problems at home in our country.

We are still segregated. Yes, we all have friends different races and ethnicities. We can eat at the same restaurants and drink from the same fountains. But honestly, when you go home what do you see? Is there a vast racial mix in your neighborhood? Your church? The places you go for fun?

The Civil Rights Movement was not even a lifetime ago. In fact, parents were about my son's age when all of this was going on. Maybe some of your parents were too. 

Knowing that my parents experienced some of the things that we were seeing on screen bothered my spirit in such a major way. Because what they struggled for, what they saw friends and neighbors get beaten for or die for... 

We are still fighting for.

That breaks my heart. 

So, I'm urging everyone who reads this; black, white and otherwise, to go see Selma. View the movie with an open mind and an open heart. Learn something. Whatever you learn, when you leave the theater, teach that to someone else.

We don't have the exact same fights that Martin Luther King, Jr. and the other members of SCLC and beyond had to battle, but we still have reasons to stand together and try to make a difference in our world. 

I have no idea what I'm going to do, but I know that I'm going to do something. I HAVE to do something. 

Watching Selma reminded me of that.

Diary of an Unemployed American: Federal Freebie Edition NSFW

I've been doing my best to perfect my ability to do nothing.  Things are actually going pretty well.  Yesterday, I actually slept until 6:45 am.  #thuglife

Because I have no job and therefore have no money, I've also been spending a lot of time looking for people who will give me shit for free.  Hey, I'm pretty sure you're judging me right now, chile I ain't got no worries.  As much as I pay in taxes when I am earning money leads me to believe that I deserve as much free stuff as these two arms can carry.  Hell, if they let me toss some stuff in the hatchback of my Hyundai I'll be doing that too. 

 Picture me rollin'.

So, anyway I was talking about free stuff for federal employees.  It's pretty much everywhere if you beg correctly.  I've gotten burgers, pizza, popcorn... there's a theme here.  I probably should be requesting... oh I don't know... free rent or free cable... but husky girls gotta live to. Don't judge.

People are really trying to do their part to make life a little easier for the unemployed federal workers.  In fact, there's one company that is trying to make life super sweet for some of us that have too much time on our hands.

Imagine my surprise when this landed in my inbox.  

Company offers free vibrators to federal employees furloughed in the government shutdown

Vibrators.com says it is prepared to ship up to 200 vibrators per day to federal workers who, due to the shutdown, may "have a little too much time" on their hands.

BY DAVID KNOWLES / NEW YORK DAILY NEWS

MONDAY, OCTOBER 7, 2013, 4:14 PM

A Michigan company is offering free vibrators to government employees furloughed in the current government shutdown.

VIBRATORS.COM

Vibrators.com is offering free vibrators to furloughed federal employees for the duration of the current government shutdown. Never has a government shutdown proven so sexually arousing.

Vibrators.com recently announced the promotion, which the company says will last as long as the impasse between House Speaker John Boehner and President Obama drags on.

“Are you a federal employee that has been deemed non-essential?” an ad for the giveaway states. “Do you have a little too much time on your hands and nothing to do? Is the recent government shutdown to blame?”

Vibrators.com founder Tom Nardone came up with the publicity stunt, which has so far been warmly received by federal employees left out in the cold.

“We are going to fill as many orders as we can,” Nardone said in a comment thread of an article in Cosmopolitan announcing the promotion. “We figure we can ship out 200 or so a day without slowing down the shipments of other customers.”

With an estimated 800,000 federal employees currently waiting out the government shutdown and no clear end for the standoff in sight, Vibrators.com may yet find itself hard put to fill all of the orders it receives. That prospect doesn’t seem to be deterring the company, however. 

“As vibrator enthusiasts, we want everyone to experience the pleasure that a nice vibrator can bring to partners and individuals,” Vibrators.com said in its ad. “Besides, we know you have some free time, why not try something new?”

DKnowles@nydailynews.com 

@writerknowles

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/politics/company-offers-free-vibrators-furloughed-federal-employees-article-1.1478767#ixzz2h8LDjO5k

Word?

Folks are out of work.  Some people don't know how they are going to feed their kids or pay their bills... and y'all think a pocket rocket will help? Because we have more "time on our hands"?

No sir!!!

I guess it's the thought that counts. 

Somebody call me when Five Guys starts giving away cheeseburgers.  Because that's the only kind of freebie I care to take seriously. 

Diary of An Unemployed American: Day.... 3, I Think But Don't Quote Me On That...

I'm not sure how long I've been unemployed.  It feels like forever.  All of the days are beginning to run to together.  I haven't been this out of it since that one time in undergrad when I thought it would be a good idea to mix NoDoz and Pepsi.  

I don't understand how people live this aintshit lifestyle.  Doing nothing is hard damn work.  








Right now I my head is half full of twists... I look like a strange hybrid of Gary Coleman and Coolio.  And let me tell you honey... that picture you see in your head ain't nowhere near how unacceptable I'm looking right now. 

I blame John Boehner.  His coif is always perfection.  But I'm walking these streets looking like depression and dastardly deeds. 

My nails look like I've been walking on my hands through broken glass and lava rock.  If it wasn't for this shutdown, I'd be sitting in Holly's chair getting my hands and feet dipped in hot wax and getting the leg massage of life. But let me tell you something my friend, cheese and crackers ain't cheap.  So since I don't have a job I have to sacrifice that awesomeness for food and water. 

That's all Nancy Pelosi's fault.  I bet my paycheck... well if I had one, that she has her nails done.  Ole well put together heffa.

I woke up this morning and I had bruises and scratches on my knee and it was swollen.  I'm pretty sure I walked into a wall or something last night.  If I had a job I would only have a reason to want to drink... but no time to act on it.  Therefore, I wouldn't play full contact sports with shit that don't move.  And my knee wouldn't look like it has it's own heartbeat.  

That's all Mitch McConnell's fault.  His old hateful ass probably put a arthritic root on me so I'd  walk around all frail like him.  Ole geriatric jerk.

Well, I guess I'll go to sleep or something.  Maybe when I wake up this nightmare will be over.  

Questions for An Unemployed American

Unemployed American Beauty asks: Ms. Winkle, what are creative things people can do to make money in this shutdown??


It goes without question that federal employees are some of the most intelligent and talented individuals on Earth.  So, it shouldn't be hard for us to come up with ways to make a little extra scratch while awaiting Congress to get their shit together. Right?

So here's a list of some things that you can do to make money while the lights are out for the U.S. Government. 

Tee's List of Things You Can Do to Make Money While the Lights Are Out for the U.S. Government

1. Bake Sales.  Get out your pots and pans and bake up your tastiest tarts and treats and head to a high traffic location.  I suggest Capitol Hill.  I mean those jabronis are still getting paid, why couldn't they spare a Jackson or a Franklin for a few cupcakes? Someone suggested that some of Minnie's Terrible Awful be added to the menu. I ain't saying that's right... but I do understand.
2. Tutor.  Find some kids and teach the hell out of them.  If this shutdown has taught us nothing it's that America's educational system needs a complete do-over.  The Tea Party doesn't know how a bill becomes law. Congress doesn't know simple math.  Democrats don't know how to play well with others. None of the fools understand that nothing from nothing equals nothing!  If all else fails you can teach the kids to write an angry letter so they can tell folks how they really feel.  The Kid is sharpening his #2 pencil as we speak.
3. Dance. Honey use what you got to get what you want. Do something strange for a piece of change. Get up on your elbows and show the boys what you know.  Apparently, there are a lot of openings for these kinds of gigs on Craigslist.  I know you probably think it's wrong of me to suggest that you do some shake dancing. And well, you're right.  I considered telling you to teach a dance class to the members of Congress since they are the only folks with money these days.  But those fools are already great at dancing.  They shuffle off to Buffalo around all the damn issues.  They have the ole soft shoe situation on lock, so all we got left is the pole.  You might see me out there.  I got dibs on all the quarters, I got a few Crown Royal bags that need filling.
4. Chill. If I've learned nothing in these long hours as an unemployed American, I've learned that doing nothing is hard damn work!! I mean, the amount of energy that it takes to sit still and not do a damn thing? Chile... let me tell you something.  Ratchet hoes need to teach a class on how to properly not be shit.  Because I'm certain I'm doing it all wrong.  I keep trying to think of things to do, when what I really should be doing is eating cheesesteaks, Oreos, watching Maury, and waiting on our unemployment checks.  Think about it, the average government employee has been working for like 107 years.  Folks need a break.  We all need to drink a tall glass of sit the hell down and let the brown envelopes roll in! 
5. Beg. Get yourself a cardboard sign and hit the streets.  Most panhandlers I see are at intersections. You know, making sure they awkwardly look every driver in the eye and guilt them into handing over scratch.  I say you hit a spot like Charlie Palmer's.  I figure if you put something clever on your sign like "Congress had a shutdown and all I got was this lousy sign" or "#blamecongress" or "If you want me to leave... call Harry Reid (and put some change in this cup)." You'll probably get a few dollars before security tosses you out onto Constitution Avenue.   

Well, that's all I can think of right now.  I mean there's also selling plasma, ova, sperm, roses, orange, eggs, kidneys, limbs, and co-workers on the black market, but you asked me for creative ways to make money.  I'm pretty sure that stuff is standard. 

Government Shutdown: A Journal

Hey, I know it's been a while.  I've been sleep.  Just call me Tee Van Winkle. *shrug*

Anyway, I've decided to try and keep some kind of journal during this clusterfuck that is the government shutdown.  Hopefully, I won't get red-flagged or waterboarded.

If you don't hear from me or see me call Olivia Pope. 

30 Day Blog Challenge

I haven't been writing as much as I should, so I was looking for another blog challenge to rev me up. This morning my friend Miss.Lady over at Grace Under Fire posted this one and I've decided to roll with her. :-)

I Don't Care If You Judge Me, Scandal is AMAZING...

I love the television show Scandal. 

I believe it is the best show on television. Yes, I know that the main characters are involved in a torrid extramarital affair. Yes, I know that the show is filled with lies, debauchery, and ridiculousness. You wanna know what else I know? I know that I don’t care. The show is written masterfully and the acting is superb. The fact that Shonda Rhimes can have a nation full of men and women sitting on the edge of their seats every single week says so much for the caliber of the show.

Anyway, lately I’ve been seeing some anti-Scandal sentiment popping up on the web. Now, I have no problem with this. You are free to choose what you like and what you don’t. What bothers me is that people who aren’t fans of the show are doing their best to pull Scandal lovers into their lame, funless circle.

For example, the other day I got an email that basically asked, “As a married woman how can you love “Scandal” as much as you do?” The person went on to say that I condone affairs and objectification of black women by continuing to watch the show. 

If you are anything like me you are shooting a super supreme side-eye/blank stare tandem at the screen.

I did not bother responding to the email directly. I decided to answer it here on the blog. So I need you to please be patient with me as I formulate a response.  

So why do I love the show so much?

Well, first of all because I am grown and I right to choose and love whatever television drama I want. I’m pretty sure that’s in the Constitution.

Secondly, because even with a bullet in his frontal lobe, Fitzgerald Thomas Grant is the finest white man on prime time television right now. Well, finest after Brian Williams.

Third, I am fairly certain (not completely because I have not committed time to the research) that Olivia Pope and Fitzgerald Grant are not real people. But Tony Goldwyn and Kerry Washington do a damn good job of making me want to know more about their fictional relationship.

Fourth, the fashion. Olivia's outerwear and handbag selections are the stuff of dreams. Harrison always looks phenomenal in suspenders. Even the FLOTUS Mellie looks cute in her Tea Party chic maternity wear. 

Yes, it's true that what we see in the movies and on television everyday has probably dulled our senses to some things. But, believe me when I tell you that my eyes are wide open when it comes to trust and fidelity in my marriage and in the world around me. My opinion on infidelity remains the same: it sucks and should never happen. Nothing will change that.

The thought that watching a television show makes me a supporter of every aspect of the show is silly. That's crazy. You can be a fan of something and not like every little thing about it.

I watch Homeland, but I’m not a fan of terrorism.

I watch Chicago Fire, but I’m not a fan of arson.

I watch Fox News Channel, but I am certainly no fan of Sean Hannity. 

I am pretty well versed in seperating fact from fiction. I'm also pretty good at knowing how to enjoy myself. I would never believe that I am so deep that I cannot enjoy a great television show, for fear of how it would make me appear to the rest of the world.

I majored in Agricultural Economics people! That means I am not the one to be analyzing the social constructs of the relationship between Olivia and Fitz. I don’t give one damn about how they are going to affect society. Not one. I just want to be entertained.

As a married woman, what I need to worry about is whether or not I put myself in situations that are dangerous to my relationship. I make sure that I respect my boundaries. When I step out of the doors of my home I am cognizant of who I am and what I represent. Unless my idea of a good time is flatbacking or crack smoking, my choice of entertainment has no bearing on any of those things.

See how that works? I. Me. My. I’m cool with what I do. My husband is too.

That’s all that matters to me. And really, that's all that should matter to anyone else. 

That's pretty much all I have to say about this. In closing I would like say to all of the people who judge us married Scandal lovers:

Please and thanks. 

30 Day Writing Challenge: Day 13 - Favorite Movies

I love movies.  In my opinion there is nothing better that sitting at home on the weekend with a mixing bowl full of Haribo, an ice cold Pepsi, and some popcorn watching your favorite flicks.

I like movies that bring out happy emotions.  I want to laugh and sing. I like movies that are full of action and a little bit of suspense.  

Miss me with the horror movies.  I don't play the fear games.  The last horror movie I watched was Saw. I believe the year was 2002.  I was at a friend's house and it was under duress. I've never quite recovered from that shit. I mean, I forgave my friend immediately for subjecting me to that foolishness, but I will never look at clowns, pipes, or hospitals the same again.

Since I'm a lightweight movie buff, I won't bore you with all of the movies that I love. I'll give you my top 10.

The Top 10 Best Damn Movies Ever (According to Tee) 

1. My favorite movie of all time is The Color Purple. I don't know how Stephen Spielberg managed to capture life in the rural south as awesomely as he did, but he deserves all of the awards! I know that movie by heart. Every single damn word. My favorite scene? When Celie is "at home fixin' ta shave Mister"! Lawd hammercy that's some high drama for you! Yo Mister was about to get bled like a hog during slaughter. Shout out to Shug for those fleet feet! That's how you save a life homie.

2. New Jack City. This is a classic right here.  If you grew up in the inner city you revered this movie because there where characters that you knew on screen. Look, there was a time in my life when I considered Nino Brown a close and personal friend.  You can go ahead and judge me if you want, but Wesley Snipes plays the hell out of a drug dealer. I know you've seen Sugar Hill (another good movie). Oh and don't get me started on Keisha. When she murked Smitty the Jamaican and "[blew] his brains all over the sidewalk in broad daylight"? Brava Diva!!! Brava!!

3. The Five Heartbeats. When I tell you that I LIVE for this movie!! OMG! This movie is full of everything that I need. Great acting, singing, comedy, and drama at the same damn time!! I love it. So many people were overlooked for major awards in this one. Robert Townsend? Leon? MICHAEL WRIGHT? Man, listen Eddie Kane, Jr. is one of the best characters ever captured on celluloid.  You don't have to agree. I'm sure you've been wrong before.

4. The Jackson Family: An American Dream. Look, wherever you put Michael Joseph Jackson, I'm going to be there. This movie is amazeballs. I really don't have any words to describe how it makes me feel. I just love it. That is all.

5. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Now, I know this is 3 movies, but I'm lumping them all together because I feel like they all are equally amazing. In case you didn't know, I'm a book nerd. So having one of my faves brought to life in such an awesome manner just makes my heart smile. Also, Orlando Bloom as Legolas does something wonderful to my soul. You can judge me for swooning over an elf. I'm pretty sure I don't care.

6. The Princess Bride. The love story between Wesley/The Dread Pirate Roberts and Princess Buttercup is beautiful. Also, the movie is freaking hilarious. The comedic timing in this one is stellar. Every character is played to perfection. This is one that I can watch over and over and feel like it's the first time.

7. Malcolm X. Denzel Washington should have 3 Oscars. That is all.

Thug love.

8. Paid in Full. Another hood classic that I can't get enough of. Also Mekhi Phifer as Money Makin' Mitch makes me suh-wooooon like no other. Despite the fact that the main characters are huge drug dealers, it's a really good story. A true story which makes it even better to me.

9. Coming to America. Hands down one of the funniest movies ever made. This is when Eddie Murphy was at his best. Prince Akeem and his homeboy Semmi's shenanigans in Queens, NYC are the stuff of legend. Non-stop laughter from beginning to end. Also, please be advised that is is nothing for me to start singing this little ditty at the top of my lungs wherever I am. Best. Song. Ever. Oha DID THAT.

10. The Temptations. Another awesome movie about the life of a spectacular music group. What makes this movie a favorite is Leon as David Ruffin. Talk about a stand out performance! Wooo! Everytime I say the phrase "you ungrateful sonsabitches!" I try to channel Leon. Outstanding.

Okay, so that's my top 10. I'm going to go watch a few of them now.

30 Day Writing Challenge

So my homie Double Tu started a 30 day writing challenge to get in the habit of blogging everyday.  I think this is a great idea. I'll be participating in the challenge.  I think this is a great way to get your writing juices flowing.

Here are the challenges, each one represents a day of the challenge:

1. 20 of my favorite things?
2. Who/what can’t you live without?
3. If you could wish for anything that would come true, what would you wish for?
4. What is true love?
5. Describe the last thing that made you seriously cry.
6. What is your phobia/fear?
7. What does your name mean? Why were you named what you were named?
8. Have you ever had your heart broken? Have you ever broken a heart?
9. What do you like the most about yourself?
10. What do you dislike the most about yourself?
11. Are you a lover or a fighter?
12. What would you say your biggest fear is when it comes to relationships?
13. Favorite movies?
14. Dream wedding?
15. If you could have a super power, what would it be?
16. If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?
17. Choose: trust or love
18. What’s your passion?
19. Write a letter to yourself 10 years ago.
20. Does love = sex?
21. Who is your best friend in life?
22. Whom do you admire the most?
23. Write a letter to the person who has ever hurt you the most?
24. What gives you sincere happiness?
25. What are the 10 most significant events in your life?
26. When were the happiest days in your life?
27. If there was a movie about your life what actors would you cast and who would they play?
28. If you died tomorrow, what’s one thing you’d regret not doing?
29. Who would you invite to the perfect dinner party? (Dead, living, historical, famous, not famous...)
30. Who are you?

The Color Purple: An Introduction

Welcome to Notice Purple.

About Me
I'm Tee. I'm a 34 year old mother of 1 rambunctious 8 year old. I'm a Cancer with Gemini tendencies.  I'm from the mean streets of Louisville, KY, but I currently reside in suburban Baltimore, MD.  I went to college for a few years. I have a job. I have an unhealthy obsession with handbags and shoes. I drive a foreign car.  I run when my bum ankle approves mobile activities. I love to read. I love to write.

Writing about inappropriate topics that make me laugh is kind of a hobby of mine. The things that make me laugh usually make other people laugh, but honestly that's kind of a side effect of things. I would never call myself a comedienne.  In fact, I really don't even think I'm all that funny.  Most of the time when people laugh they are laughing at something that I was being serious about.  Sometimes that's frustrating, not knowing if people are taking you seriously, because I'm actually a pretty serious person. But usually, I just go with the flow and laugh with them. Because the smiles and the laughter bring so much joy to my mundane life.

Mundane? Yea, my life boring as all hell. Sometimes I get adventurous and watch the wildlife in the woods behind our house from the windows. However, the fact that I have trouble distinguishing a fawn from a chiuaua kind of kills all of the fun in that. I work a regular 9-5 that stresses me out. But not enough to make me go postal...yet. I don't do much socializing, because I'm not a very social person. This doesn't mean I'm not friendly. It just means that I'm not really fond of dealing with people outside of places where it's mandatory. On occasion I'll go to happy hour with friends and wild out with a half of a margarita or a couple of sips of sangria. Oh and then there are the trips to pop tags at Target. Now that's when things really get off the damn chain!! Popcorn, Icee's and shopping?! That's living the dream right there folks!

Well, that's enough about me. I'm pretty sure you'll be learning much more about me in the future, if I keep up with writing on here like I'm supposed to.

About The Blog
I chose the name Notice Purple for several different reasons.  None of them exceptionally deep (unless you think they are...then I'm the most profound person you know).

Purple is my favorite color.  Alice Walker is my favorite author. The Color Purple is my favorite book.  But mainly I chose it because of this quote from The Color Purple: "I think it pisses God off when you walk by the color purple in a field and don't notice it."

That one quote is pretty much how I live my life.  I notice things.  I always look for the color purple.  Sometimes the purple is bright and vivid, sometimes it's a peaceful pastel.  When I find it, I point it out.  I don't ignore the obvious, even when people obviously want to ignore it.

The color purple can make you laugh, cry, or think. Sometimes it's so bright that you can't bear to look it dead on.  Other times it's so muted that you could miss it if there are other colors hanging around.

So that's what I'm going to write about here. The color purple. Because I don't want to piss God off.