That's it! I'm canceling this weeks therapy appointment. Seems like I'm covering everything here for free.
My biggest fear when it comes to relationships is failure (and we already know I have issues with failure). I'm afraid that even if I try as hard as I can to make things work, they won't. Ending something that you vowed before God and everybody would last until death? That's some epic failure for your ass right there people.
I'm afraid of being judged. That people will say "I knew it wouldn't work" or "I'm surprised it took this long to end". People will pretend that they know things about me and my relationship that they don't, and make conclusions based on lies. That people will look at me and know that I couldn't fix. Like there will be some kind of scarlet letter on my forehead. A big ass italicized "F".
I'm afraid of scars. Of not being able to believe in love again. Of not even wanting to try, because the first time was such a letdown.
More than anything, I'm afraid of being alone. Which is odd for me since I value solitude and silence so much. But being in a room alone with your thoughts is something all together different than going through life alone with your feelings. Wouldn't you agree?
If you tried your best and it still did not work then the failure is on the other person, not you. They are the one who failed for not even trying. I personally don't care what other people say, write check pay some bills up in here then maybe I will be effected by your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI have gotten used to being alone or by myself but the time I have spent with myself has been an experience of self learning and personal growth that I needed, so it has it's purpose. I know and continue to believe that someone will come along again and as much as I have been hurt beyond my core; I still believe in love and the heart of a good man.
Thanks so much for this.
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