Revelations

When I started this blog it was supposed to be a form of therapy for me. My plan was to come here and discuss whatever was on my heart and my mind. I haven't written often, but when I have I tried to write as honestly as I could.  I can only write about my own personal experience. I only know about my happiest moments.  I can only recall my heartache. I can only learn from my mistakes. When I started writing about these things I was fearful.  I didn't know what people would think of me when they saw that I really do have a therapist. What would they say when they found out that I suffered from anxiety and depression?

The 30 Day Challenge that I recently completed was a great help to me. It made me use my brain in ways that I haven't used it in a very long time. But mostly, it made me open up about some things that have been going on in my life that I hadn't revealed to anyone.  It provided a way for me to look at myself in a way that I never had before.

Publicly, I've always had copious amounts of self-esteem, but I never really viewed myself as a particularly strong person.  In fact, because of some of the decisions that I've made, I saw myself as pretty weak. But completing that challenge showed me some things about myself that I hadn't realized before.

I'm a survivor. I've been through a LOT and I have a lot to say. My voice is important. My words have power. I am much stronger than I ever realized. And even if my message goes no further than this little blog, the fact that I'm even saying these things "out loud" really does make a difference.

It's taken me quite a while to realize this. However, over the past few weeks I've received emails, texts, and inbox messages from readers telling me that they see something beautiful in the way that I write. They say that something I said helped them figure out a problem that they were having. I've been told that people can see themselves in the things that I write. This is amazing to me. Because although helping others was not my intent, I'm proud that my mess has some kind of positive effect on someone.

Ain't it purrty?

I never imagined that I would get so much support and honest input and reactions from people when I started this blog. But I'm happy that it's turned out this way. I don't propose to know all the answers. In fact, I certain I don't know the answer to most. But this blog isn't about having answers anyway. I'm just writing about my life as I live it. And even though I usually end up in tears when I'm writing, I gain confidence with every keystroke. 

It took longer than it should have, but I'm seeing the purple in this situation. I think it's quite beautiful.