Blocking Blessings

I have to have a medical procedure next week so I'm  buying books to get me through my recovery. I decided to order a book called "Passing Strange".  It's the story of a white man who passed for black in order to be with the woman he loved. It didn't download. So, I had to call customer service. I usually hate customer service because I have piss poor patience, but Amazon usually doesn't give me problems so I went ahead. I spoke with a guy named Carl.

Carl had a lovely Southern accent. While listening to him I imagined him leaning back in his chair, with his cowboy hat tipped forward and his boot covered feet propped up on his desk.

Anyway, as he's helping me, we have the following conversation:

Carl: I've actually read about the man that this book is about. It was years ago when I was still in the military.
Me: Oh really? I'm looking forward to reading this one. I heard it was a really good read.
Carl: Yeah, I read it because my wife...well the women who should have been my wife.
Me: *thinking* Oh Jesus not an over sharer!! *out loud* Oh.
Carl: Her brothers told me that if she married me there would be one last white man walking the Earth. So...well, to keep peace in her life and me alive, we broke it off.  She was the love of my life.
Me: *thinking* Now that's a story* *out loud* That's terrible!! I can't believe that happened, I would think her happiness would mean more than what they felt. I hate that, Carl. I really do.

[Pause] We should stop right here and reflect on the fact that I even engaged in conversation with Carl. The Good Lord is making changes in my life people. Recognize this please. [Play]

After my Kindle issue was rectified, I sat down for a while and reflected on my conversation with Carl.  I thought about how people let other people make important decisions in their lives. I've never experienced anything like what Carl described, but I've certainly allowed people who were important to me lead me in directions that I probably wouldn't have gone if left to my own devices.

I think it's horrible that people allow themselves to be manipulated this way. I think that it's horrible that I've allowed it. And that I've done it to other people too. I've been so worried about how people would perceive certain things I've wanted to do, that I allowed the thoughts of others or what I thought others would think lead me to make decisions.

I'm certain that I've blocked a significant amount of blessings doing this. Since I've been on the path that I'm on right now, I've been more cognizant of this type of thing. Now instead of fearing what I'll look like or how people will think, I take more time to consider the feelings of the people actually involved in the situation.

Worrying about the judgement of others is one of the farthest things from my mind these days. I'm in a season in my life where I'm trying to catch as many blessings as I can get, from wherever I can get them. Listen, I've done some heinous shit in my lifetime. I'm trying to nullify any votes that St. Peter might have against me when I get to those gates y'all. I'm not going to let anybody keep me from that.

I suggest that you get on board and do the same.

Stop looking for approval from other people for the decisions that you make. Be proud and stand by what you've done. Stop looking for others to make important decisions for you. Nobody can live your life better than you. Of course you'll make mistakes, but at least they will be your own.

Love who you want. Think how you want. Be who you want to be.

Stop letting other people help you build fences. You just may be keeping the one person or experience away that could change your life forever. That's a hell of a chance to take.