I'd been going back and forth about getting a new tattoo for several months now. So why yesterday instead of 3 months ago? Well, yesterday a friend of mine and I were talking about it so I decided to do it. But that conversation (which was EPIC by the way) is not the only reason why I pulled the trigger.
My anxiety came back.
For months I've been good. So good that I even stopped carrying my meds around in my purse. I didn't need my 911 pack anymore because I hadn't been dealing with any symptoms. No panic attacks. No insane heart palpitations. No tears.
But some stuff I thought I got rid of came back and combined itself with some new stress and... BOOM. That elephant was sitting on my chest again.
I had to remind myself that I cannot change the behaviors of others. I can only change how I react to their behavior. I had to remember that everything is not worth getting riled up and angry about. Some things just aren't worth the fight.
My peace of mind is far more important than trying to right someones wrongs.
That's what this tattoo means to me. It's a constant reminder that I am more important than whatever the struggle I am going through at the time. I may not be able to control what other people do, but I can control how I react to them.
Serenity. Courage. Wisdom.
No a tattoo didn't give me those things. It didn't miraculously make my anxiety go away either. I certainly wasn't expecting that. But in some ways I do feel better.
It's like I have a permanent security blanket. And constant comfort is kind of what I need right now.
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